Falling in love with me..

Salam lovelies :)

I think I mentioned it in an earlier post how I just really hated myself, i think that came down to being married to a really critical guy and just generally feeling unhappy in myself and my skin. I think it all comes from low self confidence and esteem but i woke up the other morning and thought Jenn you know what you're gorgeous time to stop hating yourself its enough! so this week especially I've been trying to fall in love with me..

I've battled with my weight for the longest time, I had an eating disorder as a teen and food and i have a love/hate relationship.. My older brother who blatently denies it now used to call me "Jenna-tonne" and as an already unsure young teenage girl that did so much more damage to my self-confidence.. I went to an all girl school and I was one of the young ones with boobs & hips in a class of under-developed girls, looking at my health record from back then I was at a balanced and healthy weight range for my height and age, its so funny when I look back at pictures of myself and I wasn't fat but I thought I was massive.. I seemed to get a lot of judgement about my weight and body from those around me but I have judged myself the most harshly..

So.. I've decided to change my thinking first of all - time to love me

After having a baby, eating my feelings stage of life I can say I'm a plus sized gal, i'd say depending on the brand I average 18/20 but with some size 22's (New Zealand/Aus sizing).. Right now I've decided to change my eating habits not to lose weight but to nourish and take care of my body, fill it with healthy, filling, delicious food, I've decided to exercise at least 3 times a week to start with and go from there but this time i'm working on health not hotness and being skinny lol. But saying that I can still be hot the size and way I am.

I've also dyed my hair blonde and I LOVE it, i'm not sure why i didn't do it sooner, at the moment its at a above neckline length but looking very Marilyn Monroe 1950's chic very sexy hehe.. I'm still figuring out my relationship with hijab, not sure if i should continue to cover my hair or not, I can still be modest in my clothing choices and most importantly I am modest in my speech,manners and actions.. still figuring it all out though and giving myself time to do so..
Speaking of clothes I'm also working on some personal style goals, slowly building my capsule wardrobe with some gorgeous lux items.. so watch this space I'm thinking i may have some OOTD (outfit of the day) posts coming up.

Something I'm learning that I want to share is that liking/loving yourself isn't selfish, you have to take care of you before you can look after others.

Much love ya'll

Jenn
x

What not to Say ...

Asalam Alikuym lovelies,

Another post on the topic ... Man what a depressing blog this is turning out to be lol..

This is kinda a follow on post... I am sad to say I have encountered every single comment on this picture.. And more.. I guess that's why I make sure I NEVER minimalise or say something that may cause more pain when someone reaches out.. It takes so much courage to actually say.. Hey I'm not feeling so well, I'm not coping, i feel like I'm drowning here, even to say I'm depressed.. Big deal guys its a very big deal..

Being a Muslim with an mental illness/depression I've also encountered the "lack of faith" comments:
These being:

You must just have weak Iman.
You just need to pray more.
You need to read Qu'ran, I mean Really read it.
Maybe you have a jinn?!
If you really believed....
Be grateful you're not in Gaza/Syria/Iran/ "Insert struggling conflicting or oppressed country here"

Can I be honest and say the clichcè quotes about Allah testing us, Prison for a believer, etc although can be encouraging need to be said in the most caring way not thrown out there like venom or an after thought.. I'm gonna write a what to say post soon inshaaAllah.

In saying any of these things you're minimalising and therefore making the depressed person feel worse..

To quote a proverb : The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise bring healing".

Much love

Xx

Sharing my journey.. depression

Asalam Alikuym lovelies,

InshaaAllah everyone is well.. So after my depression post I felt I needed to share some more, especially my own journey and some thing's I've learnt along the way.

I love this video. I think he really hits the nail on the head with his description & honestly I really love his "last conversation". Every/Any depressed person needs to hear that. I played this video on repeat several times the first time I watched it ha.. With tears in my eyes & pain in my heart... I don't ever expect people to fix my problems, usually I just want a hug & some empathy, to not feel so alone & receive some support..

Anyways..  I have noticed there's been a stages process with my own depression, I know everyone has different symptoms but perhaps in sharing mine I can point out the signs...
There's a little stage I call pre-depression (in other words depressed but not exactly sure) So I kinda feel like I have been depressed forever but I do remember happier times, when I was more confident, more resilient, more kinder to myself, I could make plans & dreams, I wasn't so emotional or sad and life was just easier..

I'm not 100% what my trigger was, it may have possibily been a miscarriage, the many Earthquakes with the changes in the city, relationship issues.. Anything.. But it started slowly.. I moved in with my family & the symptoms became clear to others, I may have been ignoring them but they couldn't be hidden anymore.. Not being able to sleep, the thoughts about running away or killing myself, the loss of interest in everything, loss of interest in life.. The lashing out at my daughter (who up until that point had been my world.. we were a team who could take on the world)..
I think my sister pointed out that I was always on autopilot, there but not always there.. I was a bit dopey nothing could sink in, I especially couldn't make decisions, I felt like I was spiralling out of control. I'm so glad I was living with family, they helped with Aysha so much at that time..

Next came the cutting (a long term habit but it was brought out into awareness).. I wanted to die! Or run away.. I was having such awful thoughts, at this stage my family took me to a Dr, unfortunately she didn't help much but did prescribe me with antidepressants.. After taking them some people can get worse before they get better, I got worse.. My family especially my sisters would stay up at night with me so I wouldn't do anything stupid. At this stage mental health services got involved, psychologists/hospitals/etc it was a really hard & dark time for me.. But the one thing that stopped my suicidal thoughts was a mental health nurse/worker telling me "don't leave that legacy for your daughter". If anything could make me "wake up" to my damaging thoughts it was Aysha, my light in the darkest place.

I'm not exactly sure if its related to depression but next I had the self-hate, I really hated myself, how I looked/who I was. My confidence & self-esteem dropped so low. Actually its kinda ironic I couldn't/wouldn't sleep but I'd spend ALL day in bed, hiding from the world, from myself.. However the longer I stayed hidden the more I didn't want to leave, days staying at home became weeks, I think the longest I stayed at home was a month. I'm grateful that I had a friend who told me "I feel like you're hiding away" and then proceeded to invite me for coffee once every week.

However with that hiding away I became more withdrawn, less confident.. And one day my sister took me to town & I broke down, I had a panic attack, I had chest pains, started crying & shaking.. It was awful. And then I became aware of my crippling anxiety. Everything & everyone was scary, I had to plan & think of every possible scenario just in case.. Now I used to be a journalist I had to talk to everyone politicians to random people on the street, it was natural & easy, but I became scared of all.. Even answering the phone..

Next there seems to be a stage where everything is under control, you're getting through this, overcoming this illness, the day seems brighter, you ate something and you've even been for a walk! But its too soon, I call these bubble breaks you actually feel good, a brief moment of happiness until wham bubble pops and you're crying on the bathroom floor again..

Sadness is another stage, just feeling overwhelming sad, everything makes you cry, TV commercials, dropping your toast, a plastic bag floating in the wind, a baby duck... The weirdest things trigger those tears, but you just feel sad about everything.. Actually there's a whole bunch of emotional stages, anger is another just feeling angry & frustrated at everything..

I think I'm possibly at an adjustment stage, I know depression is something I will have for life, its no longer about finding a complete cure but managing it.. And therefore letting things not impact me so much, I'm definitely going to have my off days, everyone does but I'm so hopeful that my good days will outnumber them.. I'm trying to take my anti depressants (I've probably not helped myself and been a bit off I found after a while they made me numb & that frustrated me).. I'm trying to find a counsellor who I feel makes me comfortable & helps,. And I'm trying to enjoy each day as it comes.. Ha I'm proud of me I can feel hope, I can enjoy brief moments of the sun shining in my face, of my daughter cuddling me in bed, of a cat purring on my knee, of that first bite of a sweet dessert..

I can notice some of my triggers now, which is part of the reason I left Facebook. I felt attacked at times, mostly with those not understanding, also I guess because I'm such an openly emotional person & I tend to over share (lol blog post example of that right here).

Anyways on that note I'm off to enjoy the sleet. I feel like me & the weather, especially in Dunedin have a lot in common..we're always changing our minds/moods. Today sun, snow & rain have been knocking on my window..

Much love ya'll

Jenn
xx

Depression...

Asalam Alikuym lovelies,

So this week a well known actor known to bring joy to many through his comedy acts and movies committed suicide.. And it wasn't so much WHO he was, even though so many of his movies were brought out during my childhood (so therefore bring happy memories) but more the way he died, alone in a horrific act of desperation..
It brought Depression & suicide into the lime light but it also brought misunderstanding, people commenting without thinking how their words affect others and the same old deal of thinking depression is only a mood not an illness.

I have depression, clinical depression, last time I went to the Dr she mentioned reactive depression.. But I had PND (which I will discuss another day due to me never hearing a Muslim ever mention that so I'll bring it some awareness... oops tangent..) Anyways as I was saying I had PND after my daughter was born, there is a family history, I've been through Earthquakes (different people respond to events in different ways) and sadly there's been some psychological abuse in some of my relationships, but I really don't know what has caused my depression nobody can really know.. Its a chemical imbalance but from what I've been told depression can be caused by stress of an event or a series of events, they could of happened recently or a long time ago & just need a trigger to start the process of emotional unravelling.. Now not every depressed person needs a large event to have triggered their depression I think everyone will agree with me that life is full of big & little events.. But believe me I'm not an expert on depression and nobody really truly knows what causes depression..and each individual is different.

Also most people with depression have other mental illness such as Occupational Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), kleptomania, hypochondria, Social Phobias, Anxiety issues, but that's just opening a whole new can of worms..

Am I waffling??!

Why I am writing about this today well I want to share some of the ways people, mostly Muslims have responded and perhaps guide them in how to deal in a more caring way in helping our depressed brothers & sisters..

OK still with me? So depression is a real illness, some describe it as a chemical imbalance, so sometimes medication is needed to help get the brain & body back to "normal". I myself have personally been on both Citalopham & Prozac (aka Fluox).. I all be honest with you it can be scary to start them and often symptoms & thoughts & moods associated with depression can get worse.. Much worse! Before they get better.. They have some scary side effects - nausea, dizziness, diarrhoea, weight loss or gain.. In the first 2 weeks you're at a higher risk of suicide.. I've also tried natural medications... But basically the point I'm trying to make is medication is usually part of the process in getting better for many depression sufferers.

Telling a sister or brother not to take antidepressants is not only unwise it can also be dangerous, unless you personally have a degree in medicine/pharmaceuticals/naturopathy and can give a guaranteed solution never ever tell someone not to take their medications. Ever!!

Which brings me to the ridiculous things some unknowledgable Muslims may say.. One is just pray more, read more Qu'ran, make more dhikr as a depressed person I can personally tell you I've spent hours praying, hours reading Q'uran hours in worship yes it has helped me but its like that hadith "Trust Allah, but tie your camel tight." We do trust Allah but as cliche as it is you would never tell a cancer patient to not take chemo/radiation but just trust Allah, you would never tell a diabetic to not take their insulin. (Ironically I am diabetic and have been told diabetes & depression are linked for some people.. Oops tangent again). So its unwise to tell a depressed person that by prayer & reading Qu'ran alone will help them.. (#Prayer does help so much and can overcome anything by the Power of Allah.)

Depression has so many emotions, it can come through in many forms, sadness, anger, fear, frustration.. Feeling these emotions & expressing them, verbalising them, crying having a cry does help a depressed person, comparing their feelings & problems to something else doesn't help.. Its better to allow that person to cry,vent,scream, respect & give room for their feelings.

I also suggest not minamilising a persons problems and comparing them to something extremely bigger than them or telling them to have perspective... I was told just this week that I should be grateful I'm not in Gaza.. Saying something like this can be extremely hurtful and make the depressed person feel smaller & worse than they already do.

Umm..I find nobody is more judgemental than myself towards myself (make sense I mean I'm my own worst critic).  I judge myself harshly, I judge myself how I think others judge me(and its probably all in my head) but when someone comments or says something that comes across judgemental it becomes overwhelming.. I know ultimately only Allah's judgement & opinion matter but I'm depressed I can't help it.. :-(

So what can we do for our depressed friends & family.. I'd say give empathy, kindness, listening to their problems even if you think their problems are trivial or little, in that head of theirs those problems are huge & overwhelming.. Check in on them (sending a message/text/calling/emailing/visiting) it helps them feel less isolated.. Give hugs, don't give advice unless asked, and never ever act like you know better than their health or mental health care..

Also if you are feeling depressed never feel ashamed to reach out for help, you are not alone.. You are important & loved. Allah wants you happy & to live your life & meet him in Jannah. (Not the alternative which I will not mention).. I'm in New Zealand so am happy to pass on depression or suicide helplines here but if you are overseas and reading this get in touch with me & I'll point you in the direction for help inshaaAllah.

Much love all

Jenn

XxX

Eid ...

Asalam Alikuym lovelies,

Can I be honest & say I'm not looking forward to Eid this year, with the suffering of our ummah but also because my Eid's are always the same.. We attend Eid prayers where I feel overwhelmed by the crowds, can't hear the imam, feel squished and try to pray with a clingy child attached.. Its all part of her Islamic upbringing though eh.. Then Aysha spends the day with her Dad going to a Pakistani community function.. I've attempted to go in the past but the language barrier is too much and I often feel extremely lonely at these events so instead I spend the day by myself watching some sort of TV series or movies. Last year Aysha was sick so it was nice to spend the day cuddled with her on the couch.

This year I'm not even sure if I'll be spending Eid in Dunedin or Christchurch, a Dunedin Eid would mean I'd probably just carry on as usual, Aysha would take day off from school though & that may be the most exciting part for her lol..(I don't think I can go to the prayers as my body won't let me this year.. Don't ask).. Last year I brought presents for my christian family, which was fun but then months down the track I had to buy them Christmas presents too so it was just spending $$ I didn't really have.
However an Eid in Christchurch would just be the same as always..

Nevermind Eid's even though they are meant to be our special holidays its not all about me.. its about giving Aysha some special memories, giving her the feeling that she's a part of the Muslim Community & that Eid is part of her growing up in New Zealand as a Muslim kid (which hopefully means a day off school, a pretty outfit, some yummy food & presents)

So anyways.. Like I planned for the beginning of Ramadan, I thought I'd do an Eid themed basket from stuff I've collected over the last few months.

So far there's books with Eid themes:

Cinderella -An Islamic Tale by Fawzia Gilani (Islamic fairy tales woohoo.. There's also Snow White & Sleeping Beauty in the series).. It mentions Eid prayers and celebrations even though its more about Eid al-Huda; I'm still including it as part of the Eid theme.

Little Batuls Eid Celebration - by Munise Ulker. This story also is written for Eid al-Huda but I felt extremely relevant for this Eid too, its a story about kids living in western countries away from the Eid feel of other Muslim countries. I love how they mentioned talking to grandparents overseas & still keeping up with Eid traditions.

Searching for the Eid Moon - Adventures of Mystical Desert Island part 1- Thuraya Ali.  As the title suggests a story about the search for the Eid Moon at the end of fasting. Quite a lengthy story but since one of the only books I could find on the Eid al-Fitr topic including it here.

Eid Kareem Ameer Saab & Aminah & Aisha's Eid Gifts both by Fawzia Gilini-Williams. Both by Goodword books

There's also a Islamic themed puzzle, Eid party plates, Eid postcards, Eid Confetti, An Eid banner & an Elephant sandwhich cutter.

I was trying to go for a simple but ethusiastic little collection to bring a celebratory feel to Eid for Aysha. Unfortunately I just can't seem to get into hype mode for Eid.

Actually one day I'd love to throw Aysha a really fun & unique Eid party I even have it planned out in my head lol..decorating, Having a pinyata, playing party games like pin the tail on the Qurbani or pin hijab pin on the hijabi, musical/nasheedi prayer rugs, minarets & tunnels(candle sticks), pass the parcel, wudu or salah game instead of the chocolate game, decorating cookies & eating yummy middle eastern & desi & kiwi fusion party food.. Haha I know I'm nuts..

Anyways may you all have a blessed Eid inshaaAllah.

Much love

Jenn

xxx

Hear my Voice

Asalam Alikuym,

OK so basically I'm an outsider I have no connections with Palestine nor "Israel". I only know what I observe through news networks, blogs & social media. BUT I am a Muslim & I am human & I have a heart that gets broken over blood shed, my eyes fill with tears & my heart hurts when I see our brothers & sisters & babies of the Ummah being killed & injured in ridiculously high numbers for what appears to be no reason than the fact they were born on a piece of land called Palestine.

As a fellow Muslim I can no longer sit quietly, I must share!

Once upon a time I was a journalist, a radio journalist, I was required to tell short & precise stories to get facts & events out to the general public. So I will try my hardest to write without the waffle..

You would of had to have been living under a rock to not have heard about the Attack on Gaza/Palestine this July from the Israeli Army/Government or as Western media calls it an "Israeli-Palestinian conflict".. Ha a few stones & small rockets against a full force air strike/bombings & land/port invasion isn't a war but an attack & genocide of the Palestinian people.

I'm not going to go into political or historical nitty gritty, honestly any Google search could tell you about that (just be sure to search through the bs & propaganda) but basically the piece of geography in question known as Palestine is a region that has a long & rocky history including cultural, commericial, political & religious conflict. "Israel" as it is known was born as a Jewish state in 1948.

Since 1948 the Palestinian people of the land have lost their homes, watched their land be overtaken, watched homes destroyed & replaced, lost generations in attacks, ranging from oldest grandparents to the newest babies and everyone inbetween, they can't leave, they're being starved and denied basic human rights ..thanks to this so called Nation "Israel".. Can you honestly tell me if this was your country & family you would accept it peacefully without fighting? No definitely not?!!

We have to speak out, even if no government or anyone else listens one day our voices will be the voice of the past of history..

Continue to pray for our Palestinian family, don't allow them to think they are alone. Cry out to Allah, use your tears, get angry, use your voice.. I remember being told of a hadith which says if you see an evil change it by his hands, if he cannot then his voice/speech, if he cannot then within his heart. (Muslim). So please don't forget or give up on them!

I leave you today with this link to a letter from Gaza. Please read & share.

Much love
Xx

Writers Block - Not knowing what to say

Asalam Alikuym lovelies,

InshaaAllah your Ramadan is going smoothly?

I've been in Christchurch with Aysha visiting her dad, trying to see if we can move forward as a family, trying to make huge decisions which has been really hard with everything thats going on.
The weather has been yucky so we spent most of our days at home on the couch watching movies and keeping updated with the news, I don't think i need to remind everyone about how depressing news is atm especially the situation in Gaza / Palestine..
I feel my heart being broken every time i see a picture of a child caught in the conflict. Its like the people of Palestine are pawns in something so much bigger than them, than us... the loss of life,homes, land, is devastating.. I just feel overwhelmed but at least we still have the ability to pray.. Prayer can do what we cant...

So thats why i've been kinda quiet guys, I'm feeling somehow that my words can't form i cant just carry on as normal.. Need to shake this depression.. I find being a person who suffers from Depression as an Illness some things just really weigh me down, especially when i'm feeling overwhelmed.

Please Remember Palestine and all of our other oppressed Muslims in your dua.

xx

Aysha's Resources: Some of our Favourite Ramadan themed Books

Asalam Alikuym lovelies,

I feel as a revert trying to raise a Muslim Kid in a non Islamic environment I tend to overcompenstate, I don't know if that's a normal thing or not but as a result we have a HUGE collection of Islamic themed books.. Some great.. Some not so great.. But anyways since it is Ramadan I'll share some of our favourite Ramadan themed books.

Golden Domes & Silver Lanterns. (A Muslim Book of Colours). Written by Hena Khan & illustrated by Mehrdokht Amini.

This has to be one of my all time favourite book for our little Muslims & Muslimahs. Really beautiful colourful illustrations, gorgeous poetic easy to read rhyming language, together it just makes a truly beautiful book. 

Rashad's Ramadan & Eid al'Fitr. Wriiten by Lisa Bullard. 

This is a really good book written for kids Muslim or not; to teach them about the general themes of Ramadan. Covers Moon sighting, Allah, Helping others,etc Really colourful Pictures & easy to read & understand concepts. 

Under the Ramadan Moon. Wriiten by Sylvia Whitman & Illustrated by Sue Williams. This is another beautifully written rhymatic book. The pictures are gentle but gorgeous. Really appealing for our little ones. 

These next two books aren't exactly Ramadan themed but encourage good deeds. Being a theme central to Ramadan, I thought I'd share them too. 

Zak and His Good Intentions. Written by J.Samia Mair. & Illustrated by Omar Burgess. We love this book!! A really great message in how even if our actions don't always go as planned our intentions still matter. A longer book in length than the other ones I've shared in the post but still manages to keep little ones attention aided by the charming & sometimes funny illustrations by Omar Burgess. 

The Apple Tree. By Miriam Al-Kalby. Illustrated by Yee Von Chan. This book is Gorgeous!! The pictures are just beautiful!! This book is kinda long to read so for a beginner reader may not hold their full attention, but this book will still be a beautiful addition to any home library. Check out the Authors blog" A Pocket Full Of Notes" Here.

InshaaAllah these books inspire you to head to the library or buy or borrow such books.. Please do share your favourites. 

Much love 

Jenn 

Xx

Ramadan Reflections: Bang..fizz..sizzle..

Asalam Alikuym lovelies,

This year I started Ramadan with the best intentions instead of that usual feeling of dread & reluctance, Alhumdililah. (By the way Alhumdililah means all praise due to Allah, Muslims say it in times of good & bad.. Its like a reminder like no matter what all praise to Allah). But well .. I've fallen off the bandwagon already, its not like the fasting is hard this year, but if I want to make an excuse its due to me not waking early enough for Suhoor, that awkward time when you wake with JUST enough time for fajr prayers but NOT enough time to eat something. Its all on me I can't blame shaytain, I can't even blame the cold this month its on me..

Sorry I know I shouldn't be exposèing myself but I do let others know I struggle, I'm genuine and honest if something isn't going right or feeling right I share. But anyways what I really want to say is what I really love about this month its easier to forgive myself & say "you know what Jenn.. its Ramadan lets pick myself up, brush myself off & rebegin my fasting & Ramadan routine".

So that's exactly what I'm doing. I took a shower, And renewed my intention to fast. And once again i'm fasting for the sake of Allah, And fasting for the sake of my suffering & hungry brothers & sisters & babies in the Ummah. Obviously I'll make up my fast at a later day.

I think I'll try pick up on my Ramadan journal but please excuse my missed days..It's more for my reflections but I am sharing on a blog for some accountability.

OK much love

Xxx

Ramadan Reflections: Third Day

Asalam Alikuym lovelies,
Alhumdililah for being in New Zealand where we have fresh abundant food, clean water, warm (ish) homes and we're safe with no war, unfortunately many of our Muslim Brothers & Sisters don't have these basic necessities.. Please Especially remember Palestine & Syria, and every other oppressed group of our ummah family in your duas.

Day 3 and we're doing well, I'm still feeling really positive and generally peaceful so it seems Ramadan this year is having an awesome effect, I finally understand how  people say they love Ramadan. My last few years as a revert have really sucked, but I'm trying to embrace the quiet and alone-ness, its my own personal Ramadan retreat..

Aysha had a not so great day, she woke up tired (apparently she was watching Mr Maker while I was sleeping.. grr..) and she had 2 hours of a meltdown on her arrival home this afternoon so we didn't manage to get anything "exciting" done, however she did tell me she wanted to draw pictures about Ramadan so we did that this evening.


My 3rd Day:

 Hadith of the Day:
The Messenger of Allah (Peace Be Upon Him) said, "When the month of Ramadan starts, the gates of the heaven are opened and the gates of Hell are closed and the devils are chained." (Imam Bukhari)

Goals for the Day:
Read Qu'ran (Finish Juz 2 - I'm finding I'm reading slower as I want to actually focus on what I am reading will spend more time tomorrow catching up InshaaAllah)
Pray all 5 Salah
Eat more.

Food eaten at Suhoor: Smoothie, Porridge & Bread, 1 large glass of water.

Food eaten at Iftar: I made dinner, cooking it early so I just ate this for breaking my fast plus nearly 2 litres of water.

Type of movement: Just incidental exercise today

How does my body feel: Good, I was really thirsty this evening.


 Reflections & Insights:
 Its a really sad realisation that just because we're trying to make the world a better place, that it doesn't mean the rest of the world is. The news of the attack on Gaza really did put a damper on my day but we're fasting and making duaa. Allah is listening.. s.

I'll be taking Aysha to see her dad during the school holidays,But I've made a plan and praying that this all goes ok., I mean the visit up there.
Umm.. not much else I guess so Wellikuym Asalam for now my dears.

 Much love

xx

Day 2: Ramadan Reflections

Asalam Alikuym lovelies,

Hows Ramadan going?

Yesterday (Day 2, Its 3am of day 3 now) didn't go as planned I slept through Suhoor :( but fortunately we do have the short winter fast this year so Alhumdililah for that! I think if it was the long Summer fast I may not have had the ability to not drink water..
Anyways my whole day just seemed off, My memory wasn't at its best and I was in a kind of auto pilot fog which means my body needs its nourishment.. I guess that's why I'm up at 3am because I don't want to sleep through suhoor again.

Right so Aysha's day.. She had school so when she came home she was kinda tired, so we just went with the flow, I gave Aysha some balloons & those noisy things you blow into and they're like a lizard tongue (I can't remember what they are called).. Anyways something small was so exciting to her and she proclaimed "This is the best Ramadan EVER!"
We spent some time in the kitchen, making bread and iftar and everybodys dinner, and I let her watch a movie, we choose "Prince of Egypt". Then she watched and played with my tablet. So our routine was off yesterday and even though I planned on doing something special daily I don't feel disappointed because small things DO add up.. Also our school holidays start soon we can do lots of fun stuff then. Inshaa Allah.

I made this playlist for her : Ramadan Clips for Aysh.

My 2nd Day:

Ayat of the Day:
Ramadan is the (month) in which was sent down the Qur'an, as a guide to mankind, also clear (Signs) for guidance and judgment (Between right and wrong). So every one of you who is present (at his home) during that month should spend it in fasting, but if any one is ill, or on a journey, the prescribed period (Should be made up) by days later. Allah intends every facility for you; He does not want to put to difficulties. (He wants you) to complete the prescribed period, and to glorify Him in that He has guided you; and perchance ye shall be grateful. Qu'ran 2:185

Goals for the Day:
Read Qu'ran (Juz 2 or 20 pages)
Pray all 5 Salah
Eat more.
Study & Reflect
Be more Productive
Meal Plan.

Food eaten at Suhoor: I forgot to wake up.. *sad face*. Like I said yesterday, planning is the key so its my own fault.. Insha Allah I'll be more prepared.

Food eaten at Iftar: Due to not eating since the night before I was starving, I ate ridiculous choices, Maori fry bread, more pakora (due to how easy they are to make), popcorn, Water... Looking at that I'm disappointed in myself. I usually eat more veggies and fresh healthy nurtrious foods. Also its hard Aysha wanted to help so she was making some random egg and cheese thing, I gave her a bowl and she decided to break eggs, break up cheese and add water, but at least she ate it (after we cooked it, shes a fussy wee thing) and since I was in the kitchen I had to cook for the whole family so I was making iftar then cooking dinner, and I ended up spending over an hour in the kitchen..

Type of movement: Walked down the hill to pick up Aysha from school - 30 minutes on a Hill.

How does my body feel: I seemed to have more energy, I did housework and walked without needing food for energy and I didn't have my sugar slump, which is weird since I didn't eat. I think my body is detoxifying itself as I had some issues last night and this morning had very sore kidneys. I'm feeling nauseous too.

Reflections & Insights:
I need to work on eating better, I can't continue the month without good food.. My nose thinks its sick, with sneezing & not to share too much information but its being "drippy".. But overall i'm feeling good. I feel strangely peaceful, reflective and aware. Ha that sounds like i'm at some kind of Buddhist, but no seriously I guess I'm putting so much focus on Islam & Ramadan, fasting & praying and its having a really good effect on me.
I had a wee moment of feeling lonely, I have always wished for a Muslim Family to actually have Ramadan to be a time of connection and spiritual growth and to share it, as a Single Mama life is lonely anyways but it feels more so during this time.. But I just pushed through it, Allah knows my heart and desires so one day i'll have my Muslim Family.
Its hard not having connections with the Muslim Community, I'm a shy person and have some social phobia so easing into a community will not be easy for me regardless of the month.
Also I think it has to do with the fact i'm the only one fasting in my household, yesterday I was cooking for everyone I had to wait an hour to leave the kitchen for my prayers, I just want some understanding I guess. Then I was so tired I literally crashed in bed until Aysha woke me up. so it looks like I need to work on Time Management as well.. Well Ramadan is a month of working on ourselves and our deen. InshaaAllah.
I guess that's all for today lol

Much love

xx

Day 1: Ramadan Reflection

Asalam Alikuym,

So as I mentioned earlier I'll be posting my daily reflections. Its a record to see how I do, not only spiritually but see if I'm coping physically too...so without further ado here we go:

Ayat of the Day: I shared this earlier but it was "Oh ye who believe! Fasting has been prescribed for you, as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may become Al-Muttaqen (Pious)." Qu'ran 2:183

Goals of the Day:
Read Qu'ran (Juz 1 or 20 pages)
Pray all 5 Salah
Make decorations with Aysha, get excited for Ramadan.

Food eaten at Suhoor: Extremely disappointing today I ate Muesli bites & dark chocolate & 2 packets of sultana's (the small ones) & I drank 3 large glasses of water. (I somehow forgot to be organised about food I thought about it but was more focussed on reading Qu'ran & activities to do with Aysh lol)

Food eaten at Iftar: I was rushed, somehow the day slipped away on me.. looked in the cupboard & realised I hadn't planned well, as they say if you fail to plan its a plan to fail.. I made lightly spiced pakora using silverbeet & carrots as my veggies (we have no potatoes) and made some chicken nuggets for Aysha, I ate maybe 4-5 smallish ones.. Lots of water.

Type of movement: Does chasing after Aysha count?

How does my body feel: Sorry for the TMI but I was gassy tonight, the family not impressed.. Otherwise I'm feeling good, not tired, not feeling sick or weak or bloated.

Reflections & Insights:
I don't think I ate enough today so I'm going to have to spend some time tomorrow planning & baking so I'm able to survive this month or knowing me I'll crash from lack of energy.I'm thinking even something simple like Bran Muffins for Suhoor until I get myself organised, half way through the week.
 l didn't want to put a focus on food especially since i'm only catering to myself but maybe i should have.. Also if I'm not eating much maybe I should avoid spices as my tummy is having issues this evening.. So a good thing I didn't go to Masjid..
Speaking of Masjid I was totally intending on going but being a single mum without a car it kinda makes it difficult, so I just prayed & read Qu'ran & watched Mecca on youtube..(even though the time zone is completely whacked).
I prayed for so many of my friends & family today, and my head was in a good space which makes me think maybe in my deep depression days i shoukd just fast & do dhikr, but not making excuses but I wouldn't actually think like that on those days.. I should write it somewhere so I'm reminded :-)

 I think overall it was just a really good start to this month, and I'm really hopeful the month continues on a happy & (more) healthy direction..

Much love

xx

I'm partaking in a Ramadan photo challenge as well.. Giving myself tasks & participating in set challenges actually motivates me. 

Pic 1: Day 1: Selfie :-) 

Day 1: Ramadan with Aysha - Ramadan Paper Crafts

Asalam Alikuym,

Ramadan has began. Alhumdililah..

This morning my routine was lovely, waking up for suhoor, praying then spending the morning reading & reflecting while the sun came up, then curling back into bed waiting for Aysha to wake up. I have decided Sunday is the (second) best day to start Ramadan, it was so nice to just ease into the first day with no rush and nothing scheduled to interrupt.

Anyways Sinker (Our kitty) woke up Aysha and I told her today is Ramadan so we'll be making some decorations which in her excitement of being creative meant we had to get up immediately & make them RIGHT now!

I chose easy-ish activities this year, suitable for Aysha's age & attention span, we made paper lanterns, some letters & a linking paper chain in bright bold colours. This is my first Ramadan of actually making a effort so its nice to do something fresh & new.

The paper chains aren't in the picture. We'll also finish decorating a little later on, possibly tommorow,  we have crayola window crayons, and some other little bits,  but I forgot to purchase blu-tack so don't have any means of sticking these on the walls lol.. I did try to be organised. 

Also we're learning or at least reading & adding to our displays a verse,hadith or saying each day. Today's:

"Oh ye who believe!
Fasting has been prescribed for you, as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may become Al'Muttaqan". (Pious).
2:183

InshaaAllah our Ramadan continues just as it started :-).

Much love

xx

Ramadan Mubarak!! And an anti-climatic Moon sighting adventure..

Asalam Alikuym lovelies,

Ramadan Mubarak!! 

According to FIANZ (Federation of Islamic Associations New Zealand), the new moon has been sighted, Alhumdililah, so that means our fasting begins.

I'm excited.. I feel hopeful. Its been no secret this year has been really tough for Aysha & Myself, so I'm taking the opportunity as a fresh start, a time to knuckle down & concentrate on being positive & renewing my iman.. I know some may judge, as some tend to when sisters put on hijabs & brothers show up to masjid more often during this holy month.. but this is between Allah & myself..

So anyways in my making traditions & Ramadan exciting for Aysha I had the intention to do some moon sighting.. But well I didn't know what I was looking for exactly lol nor what direction.. But Alhumdililah we did manage to watch the sunset & the stars start shining, there's always next year. InshaaAllah.

May you all have a blessed & beautiful month.

Much love

Jenn & Aysha

Xx

Ramadan Basket: The Countdown is On...

Asalam Alikuym :-)

In my preparation for Ramadan, I turned to the ever trusty pinterest ,and saw the idea of a First Day of Ramadan Gift Basket.  I really loved the idea so decided to put together something fun & exciting for Aysha,an Islamic play on the Christmas stocking perhaps..

The basket was just one we had floating about and I thought it would be the ideal size for what I had planned. I've been buying items for Ramadan for months now, as one of my aims this year was to be at least a little organised. I also made the decision that since Aysha has started mainstream schooling this year, and therefore be exposed to holiday & cultural hype for Christmas/Easter/Etc it was time I made a bigger deal of Ramadan & Eid. 

Anyways back onto the topic.. 

I filled the basket with books, and bits & pieces that would bring a Holiday feel, encourage crafts & encourage good deeds. 

Book titles:

Rashad's Ramadan & Eid al-Fitr by Lisa Bullard, illustrated by Hollie Conger (Written for a general audience but I felt a good choice due to it giving a good overview of what Ramadan is about). 

The Jinni on the Roof - A Ramadan Story by Natasha Rafi, illustrated by Abdul Malik Channa. (I did um & ah over this title, jinni is sooo.. Close to my name & they mentioned the maid as being "plump & doughy" but i feel it ties in with Pakistani culture along with the Ramadan theme so it stayed in the selection).

Under the Ramadan Moon by Sylvia Whitman, illustrated by Sue Williams. (A really easy to read, rhyming story, one of my favourite titles for our little kiddies).

Welcome Ramadan by Lila Assiff-Tarabain. (Goodword) (Just a good title) 

The Great Moon Confusion by Richard Byrne. (Not to do with Ramadan at all but the cycle of the moon, which I feel is relevant) 

Funnily enough I have more books but they're Eid related so I'm saving those for Eid gifts :-). 

I also included Ramadan themed paper plates, cups & napkins.. Aysha can decide if she wants to use them for a picnic or to invite a family or friends for iftar its up to her. 

To encourage good deeds I included a jar of birdseed - its winter down here, I was hoping to make a bird feeder with her but we could also just go feed birds, its up to her.. I love teaching Aysha about small deeds we can do daily for the sake of Allah, something as simple as throwing her crusts to the birds after breakfast, smiling at someone etc. 

I brought these adorable food tags so included them too, so we can do baking for family or friends or her class at school..The postcards are from The Party Box on Facebook.

Also included in the basket are some crayons, coloured paper, crayola window crayons (for decorating) and some little girl sized hijabs, a kaleidoscope for moon sighting role play. 

I've decided to make an almost Eid basket too as I have Eid paper plates, Eid themed books, An Eid banner & Eid glitter.. So watch put for that later on too.

InshaaAllah Aysha enjoys this she can be really fussy in what she does & doesn't like but the intention & enthusiasm is there from me. 

What sort of stuff have you done for your little ones to welcome Ramadan?? 

Much love 

Xx

Suhoor for Hippies.. Aka healthy breakfasts with weird wonderful healthy ingredients

Asalam Alikuym lovelies,

Thought I'd share some of our suhoor recipes, foods that will give you energy for your fast, are good,nurturing and basically awesome ways to start your day in Ramadan.

Smoothies: 

If you own a blender (or even if you don't mashing & shaking in a jar can work in a pinch) smoothies is one if the fastest & easiest things to make on a bleary eyed Ramadan morning.

Green Energy (from footstepstowellness.net):
1 Apple or cup of fresh fruit
2 Medium Carrots
A handful of sprouts
1 T of kelp/chlorella (powdered seaweed)
4 medium leaves kale
1/2 an avacado
Filtered Water

Blend fruit,carrots, sprouts with small amount of water until smooth, then add leafy veggies, seaweed & avocado, blend at top speed until smooth.. Add water bit by bit if consistency is too thick.
(Variations: use other greens -spinachm dandelion, coriander, parsley or celery.. Add herbal seasonings such as ginger, basil,thyme.. For a sweeter smoothie add a little honey)

Health Boost: aka Monster Smoothie
1 cup nut milk
1 cup fruit
Green leafy Veggies - kale, spinach..
1 t Spirulena (think I spelt that wrong) optional
1 raw fresh (perfebly organic) egg
2 T yoghurt
1 t coconut oil
Small amount of honey

Chuck all in blender, whiz until smooth.

(Source: Natural Parent Magazine)

Yoghurt Smoothie (supporting gut health & therefore building immunity)
1 cup Kefir or plain Yoghurt
1 cup coconut milk
1 t pure honey
1/2 cup fresh in season fruit (banana & dates added will provide extra sweetness)
1 T coconut oil

Blend and drink straight away.

Now for a common favourite pancakes but filling ones not hotcakes you'ld buy in a cafe or fast food outlet..

Pancakes: 

Chai spice pancakes:
2 cups wholegrain flour
1/4 t salt
2 t baking soda
2 cup almond milk
1/4 t of cloves, cardamom, cinnamon,
2 t freshly grated ginger
Nonstick spray oil (optional)

Mix dry ingredients, add milk mix until combined.
Pour 1/3 cup of batter into pan.. Cook until top side bubbles & is mostly firm then flip, cook for further minute.

(Source 21 day weight loss kickstart, recipe by Jason Wyrick of Vegan Culinary Experience)

No flip pancake:
4 eggs
1/2 cup wholegrain flour
1/2 cup coconut or almond flour
2 T raw or coconut sugar
1/2 cup coconut milk
1/2 cup yoghurt
1cm (slice) real butter
1 cup blueberries or pears/stone fruit

Turn ocean to 180°C. Blend all ingredients except fruit until smooth, let it sit 5-10 minutes. Melt butter in oven proof pan. Pour mix into melted butter & scatter fruit on top. Bake 20 mins until golden. It will flatten when removed from oven. Serve with yoghurt or mascapone & a drizzle of raw honey.

(Source: Nourishing your child - Sally Gray, Nurtrtional Dietian)

Yoghurt & Orange pancakes:
200g Greek yoghurt
80g Rapadura Sugar
200g wholemeal flour
5 eggs seperated
2 oranges - juiced (200ml)
Real butter to cook in

Night before, seperate eggs & put yolks in bowl with sugar beat until creamy, add oj, yoghurt & flour & mix thoroughly. Leave on bench covered overnight. In morning whip egg whites, fold mixture. Cook in a little melted butter. Serve with yoghurt & drizzle of honey.

(Should I add the pumpkin pancakes? Request in comments if you'ld like the recipe)

Porridge: (I think my American friends call it oats/oatmeal) 

Carrot cake porridge: (My absolute favourite)
1 C  rolled oats
1 carrot (grated)
1 T sultanas (optional)
1 T chia seeds
1/4 t cinnamon
1 T coconut oil
1 T brown sugar

Throw in pot, use water, coconut milk or milk whatever you prefer, allow to simmer until creamy. :-)

Quinoa Porridge: (with dates & nuts)
1 C Quinoa (soaked overnight)
1 C water
1 C Coconut milk or cream
1/2 C dates
1/2 C nuts & seeds

Put grains & liquid in pot on stove, heat gently until simmering, it will take about 15 minutes to absorb liquid & become quite opaque looking. When cooked take off heat & stir through fruit & nuts. Let it sit 5 minutes.

(Source: Nourishing your Child)

And last but not least the grand : Breakfast Cookie 

3 C rolled Oats
2 very ripe Bananas
1/4 cup butter or coconut oil
2 T yoghurt
1/2 real salt (sea salt)
1/2 C dried fruit (dates always make sweet cookies)
1/2 C roasted Nuts
Optional - cocao or carob, 1 t honey

Mash bananas, add dates & oil & stir to combine. Add remaining ingredients, cover & rest overnight. In morning preheat oven to 180°c & place spoonfuls on a tray lined with baking paper. Bake 12-15 minutes..

If all else fails there's always fruit salad:-)

Hope these have left you inspired to try them this Ramadan. Remember its not about the food but keeping nourished & healthy will help with our fasting inshaaAllah.
Feel free to share any of your favourite breakfast/suhoor recipes below.

Much love

Xxx

Ramadan is coming..

Asalam Alikuym,

I wrote about My plans about Aysha for Ramadan, inshaAllah but I haven't yet wrote about my own perspective or hopes, Ramadan will be starting at the end of this Month, depending on when the moon is sighted.
I have to be honest, As a revert I feel my Ramadan days have been lonely and I feel like I just can't fit into the Fasting groove and being a woman I always get that disappointing week of not being able to fast/pray.
But this year I'm trying to enter Ramadan in a new perspective & being hopeful that I won't become depressed or filled with dread at the thought of Eid.

Some of the things I'm doing to prepare myself, well, as my earlier blog post suggests I'm putting some effort & focus into making Ramadan a fun & exciting time for Aysha.

I know for a fact when I think about others my personal wellbeing is usually positive so I'm trying to find out about some charity or community initiatives so I can put my time & energy into them, I don't only want this to be a Ramadan activity alone but I feel Ramadan has given me that extra push to get more involved. I have depression so its kept me to myself a lot, its time for me to start contributing to the world again.. InshaaAllah.

I think I should perhaps try to reintergrate myself & Aysha into the Muslim community, I need to start showing Aysha that Islam isn't a lonely life there are others out there, they're not perfect but essentially they're our "family". And families shouldn't always be estranged. Aysha & I shouldn't have to walk in this religion alone..

I'm also currently reading a book called "Glow with Ramadan All Year Long!" (A Guide for Elevating Your Body-Mind-Soul Health, Before, During & After the Fast). Written by Laila Qafira Yamini.. I'm reading a chapter per day so its giving me time to reflect and learn before I enter Ramadan. She writes a very holistic approach, the book itself is a kinda a Manuel, which really appeals to me. I'm following this book and prepping myself through the advice, so for example today I reflected on what may be holding me back from my potential in Ramadan's past, and I did a small evaluation of my physical/mental/emotional/spiritual health.

Also I'm restocking my food supply & will be meal planning this week, inshaaAllah. Not because Ramadan is about the food but because I feel I want to streamline my time preparing/cooking/eating food to give me more time to focus on ibadah & reading Qu'ran during Ramadan. So I'm thinking porridge (in my various recipes ie: carrotcake porridge) for Suhoors & Soups/Winter Salads/light warming meals for Iftars.

Um what else, I want to keep a diary this year so warming up my writing skills, I'm on the hunt for a plush prayer rug as wooden floors and scarves aren't doing my knees any favours, at some stage I'll be thinking about what to do for Eid, not sure if I'll be spending it on my own lonesome or if we'll be doing the "family" thing..

How do you prepare for Ramadan/Eid? Feel free to share links or comments below.

Much love

Jennah

Xx

My journey.. Why I chose Islam & Why I stuck with it...

Salam Lovelies,

This month, I don't remember the day.. is my Conversion Anniversary I think it was mid May.. I feel I converted earlier, in September 2009; but it was in May 2010 I actually made my Shahadah official, by researching what I had to do/say.. but even then I didn't say my shahadah in front of anybody until April 2013.. Lol confusing much?!

But many Muslims ask me my story of how I found Islam and became a Muslim and I honestly just say oh its just really boring, I met & married a Muslim guy, then after a few years I converted. End of story there we go.. But I guess when I reflect my story does start earlier..

I was born into a Christian family, my dad converted in his early 20's, I think when he was engaged to my mum and my mum converted not long after. My parents were really quite strict so raised us in a very christian environment.. They were kinda extreme, it was like no reading about other religions, no violence, horror,sex, ghosts, etc no watching certain TV shows, no incense burning... They are pentecostal christians.. I remember being a teenager and asking to go to another church, they wouldn't allow that let alone explore other beliefs.. So I guess I was raised in a very sheltered way.

You know, Islam & Muslims were something I never really encountered growing up, i can actually count my experiences.. there was a girl who wore hijab in my high school.. 1 girl among 800.. I'm embarrassed to say the 9/11 event had very little impact on us in little Dunedin/Nz.. I had a friend who had a crush on some prince/king of Jordan, my brother had an Iraqi flatmate named Sadagh (who used to joke about cutting him up into pieces lol oh dear). Oh there would of been news media as well but up until about age 18, I was quite literally ignorant to Muslims & Islam. When i was at uni i started a paper "Muslims, terrorism & the west" or something like that i sat in 2 lectures then dropped out.. Oh actually in Australia I briefly dated an Arab guy, from UAE.. He was very sweet and very generous with his money, but there was never any mention of religion.. He was probably Muslim lol.. See I was so ignorant!  I had no idea what they believed or even how to identify one..

Fast forward a few years and I met the Mr online.. We both lived in Brisbane and spoke I think once.. He did however make an impact on me.. He was so polite and would talk about family, he genuinely cared so it seemed and we were engaged within a week, married within 6 weeks.. I fell hard and i guess being young jumped into marriage without research or questions.. Honestly we didn't really discuss Islam, I knew he went to Mosque on Fridays and that sometimes he prayed, he didn't eat bacon and when he used the bathroom water would be everywhere oh and we now had watering cans beside the toilet.

Leading up to our wedding Mr would ask are you ready? I'd be thinking for marriage? And respond positively.. I didn't realise he was asking me to convert.. So anyways on the day we were married 2 of my husbands friends and a non English speaking imam came to our flat, they were talking, one of the men was trying to translate I remember there being mention of a story about a mother who wasn't a Muslim. It was honestly confusing & scary, I remember being asked do you want to convert.. My question was do I need to wear the scarf they all said yes so I declined,. I did however agree to read the Qu'ran, well an English copy.

The next few months I did read the Qu'ran, I found it interesting and my expectations of a book full of violence didn't come true, in fact the language was beautiful and peaceful,  I also read some books from the library and I'd read online articles when I could, I also tried to reach out but didn't have much success.. I fell pregnant and I remember thinking we would raise baby as a Muslim, but not being sure how to do that.. I fasted with my Mr during Ramadan, well attempted to but having morning sickness it wasn't successful.

We moved to Nz to have baby in January 2009, I still wasn't Muslim and I was just busy with a newborn, but I started to have curiosity again and sent an email to the local Masjid and then a woman's coordinator of the Student Muslim association, a sister did get in touch and we met and she invited me to Masjid, it was Ramadan. My first experience with Muslims was breaking the fast and praying night prayers.. I wasn't quite a Muslim yet but I felt peace and I decided yes I want to be a Muslim. However the Mr moved away and my family not happy with my decision discouraged me to follow Islam..

I moved to Christchurch to the Mr and in May 2010 I converted by finding out how to online, I started wearing hijab, probably just a tad too early.. I was very blessed and had a Muslim sister from Pakistan, teach me the Surahs and routines for prayer and we would pray together.
Mr wouldn't let me go to Masjid so I found my support online, on Facebook and forums, I would read books, taught myself to pray, I only ever visited the masjid a few times during Ramadan. I say I faked it until I learnt what I needed but I continued to slowly learn and grow..

Honestly when I converted I didn't practise and barely prayed, I ate halal, wore hijab, read Qu'ran, it took me a few years to actually really practise what was preached so to say, I also had to spend some time unlearning the christian beliefs that clashed with Islam, the stories I was taught growing up but were corrected in Qu'ran. (The Qu'ran is the final & true book not like the Bible which may have been/probably has been corrupted). I had to learn how to pray like a Muslim not like a Christian. But in time the Islamic way became the most natural way.

I never found actual support from Muslims or the Muslim community in person, there were no classes, no support groups, no Arabic classes.. But I guess that's how it is when the community's are so small, and at times broken. Also when the community's you do become involved in put so much emphasis on culture than what Islam truly teaches. But saying that I have met some beautiful Muslim brothers & sisters in person and online who have influenced me through their actions and gentle & kind speech.

So I guess that comes to my online support, as many know the internet can be a place where many hide behind their keyboards passing judgement or giving misguided or unwise advice.. And its hard when that is your only connection with Muslims/Islam..  Fb can be the worst but it can also be the place I receive guidance and support from fellow reverts all over the world.. Alhumdililah isn't that actually beautiful?!

Life is a journey , Islam is a path and Jannah, inshaaAllah is my destination. I only hope I please Allah in my actions, words and lifestyle. My story will only continue..

Much love

Jenn
Xx

Aysha's Ramadan Planning..

Salams my friends,

Ramadan, (a month where Muslims fast from food, drink and focus on spiritual reflection) is only a matter of months away, estimated to start in the last week of June.. Depending of course on the moon being sighted.

I decided to be organised this year and I was hoping to make this years Ramadan special & memorable for Aysha, as she's a bit older this year and I feel I need to make more effort in showing her how awesome Muslim holidays can be.

As a revert Muslim holidays can be lonely and it can be hard for our kiddies living in a country/environment where Christmas,Easter, Valentines Day, etc are given advertising, exposure & everyone around is excited for this event you know you can't be a part of.

Obviously Aysha is too young for fasting, but I can still use Ramadan as an opportunity to teach her about it, and other aspects of Islam.

I've been doing some researching and brainstorming,  seeking here & there for ideas on what we can do during Ramadan.. I was looking for craft ideas, charity ideas (that are age appropriate) and decorating ideas to give our home a special Ramadan feel. I found these ideas from pinterest, xmas ideas I adapted, inspiration from etsy, and Google which directed us to other sites & blogs.. I'm so sorry because I didn't write where I found ideas just the ideas themselves so please forgive me if I have "stolen" an original idea.

So... In no particular order.. Ramadan Activities: 

• Decorate for Ramadan - Make a "Ramadan Mubarak" Banner, put up fairy lights & balloons, perhaps a crescent moon cutout, glow in the dark stickers/stars (Aysha loves those).. I want to make our environment special & different than it normally is... Bring a Ramadan warmth. 
• Moon themed activity.. "M" is for Moon, since Ayshie is still learning her letters. Also focus on the phases of the moon, use tinfoil or paperplates (cut into moon shapes - circle/full, half, crescent, etc). 
• Make Ramadan cards or write on pre-purchased cards, send them.
• Mosaic Masjid sun catcher (using cellopane & card) or PVA & puffy paint window clings. 
• Use "Sharpie" markers to draw on/decorate a (porcelain) plate or bowl. (Let it dry bake at 350° for 30 minutes).. If this doesn't go well plan B is to goshopping for a special bowl/plate to use for iftars/suhoors.. Hopefully one that will last many Ramadans.. Or we can start a new Ramadan tradition. 
• Make a paper lantern - a fanoos more likely a Chinese lantern.. 
• "Henna Hands", I saw this on the Crayola website, was thinking to either trace Aysha's hands then use markers to draw henna designs on them or use the pre-cut hands I already have in our craft box.
• Actually doing actual henna would be fun too but I think Aysha is still a tad young for that. 
• Cook a themed iftar.. Make something Aysha already has experience in, scrambled eggs, pizza dough, fruit salad, French toast.. I would love to do some "Muslim" country themed dinners too, such as biryani for Pakistan or Egyptian or Malaysian food. 
• Plan then have an iftar picnic.. I want to take her at least once to break fast at Masjid.
• Make cupcakes or special cookies for her class.. I was thinking making "stained glass" cookies where you crush up hard boiled candies and bake them in the middle of a cookie border. 
• Use fabric paints/pens to decorate a pillowcase as a "prayer rug"
• Ramadan book day - spend time reading our Ramadan themed books then make a book, get Aysha to tell me a story that I will write out, she can then draw pictures & we'll staple the pages together.
• Decorate a cardboard box as a Sadaqa box- fill it up with preloved clothes and toys, donate to a charity or family. Maybe do a food parcel too. 
• Plant a small tree - native or fruit tree. Plant some seeds in the garden or a pot. 
• "Build a Masjid" use a piece of card for example a cereal box piece, stick or draw a masjid and cut into pieces for a puzzle, build a block masjid or play dough.. We made a felt masjid puzzle of An-nur Masjid in Christchurch last year. 
• Make felt or card magnets - crescent moon, tiny masjid or hijabi. 
• Make a bird feeder, from a milk bottle or from a pinecone with peanut butter & birdseed.
• Learn about another Muslim country/cuture or how they celebrate Ramadan & Eid around the world.
• Make "Eid Mubarek" cards, be sure to send them early so they arrive on time. 
• Make something small to give as an Eid gift for classmates - maybe a food item or crayons upcycled (was thinking crayons melted into shaped tins.. Stars or hearts perhaps).
• I was thinking of teaching Aysha some dua or Ayahs about fasting, thankfulness to Allah lessons, and using the activity books we already have.
• YouTube movie night, make some popcorn and watch some Islamic themed or Muslim friendly cartoons/clips. 
• Shop for Eid clothes/shoes.. Let Aysha pick a special treat or toy  for Eid. 
• Make a string of prayer beads. 
• Decorate for Eid, more balloons, more sparkly decorations.. 
• Bake & Make special foods for Eid.

Those are my ideas so far, I may do them all or just a few but leaving our schedule open & flexible. Just hopeful that Aysha will enjoy Ramadan this year.. I would love to have an enjoyable Ramadan/Eid this year and not be depressed or feel lonely.. My plans are to keep my fasts, spend more time in prayer & remembrance of Allah, read more Qu'ran, memorise some dua and verses. InshaaAllah.

Much love.

Xx

Introduction..

Asalam Alikuym (Peace be upon you),

I thought I'd start (another) blog on being a New Zealander Convert to Islam & raising my Kiwi Muslim daughter and our life on a different platform, I was thinking this could be my random thoughts blog/ lifestyle & the other more our day to day stuff but I'll just go with the flow I guess.

So I guess I shall introduce myself, I'm Jenn, a New Zealander, as NZ paperwork would suggest: New Zealand European. (That basically just means my ancestors came from England/Scotland/Etc). I'm in my late 20's. I was raised a Christian, along with my five other siblings, But converted to Islam after I met my Pakistani Husband. I have one daughter, a gorgeous, cheeky 5 year old, and a cat. We live in a small coastal city, Dunedin known for its harbour & University... I think, I was born & raised here so I'm not exactly sure what we're "famous" for. I have also lived in Australia, & we lived in Christchurch during those tough Earthquake & the aftermath years.

I'm not currently working, infact I'm still completely unsure what I want to pursue in life & that's been hard.. But I love writing so for now that's what I shall do.. I have a journalism diploma & half of a communications degree from Uni but that's from before marriage & child days so I'm sure my writing & grammar won't exactly be up to scratch. (It was broadcast journalism so I'm more likely to write how I would speak, rather than an academic or newspaper reporting way).

So I guess writing is an interest, as is spending time with and looking after my family, photography (I'm a beginer), languages, books & reading, living a natural & healthy conciuos lifestyle, shopping!! And so much more!!

14 Random (And hopefully Interesting) Facts about Me: 

1. As a child I loved animals & My dream was to become a Vet (Animal Dr), So I spent hours upon hours learning about animals. I now have a random encyclopedia of dog, cat, horse & sheep breeds in my head, can't say its been very useful but it can be fun for conversation I guess .. And if I ever entered a game show where the questions were animals i'm pretty sure I'd win.. He he..
2. I am a bookaholic, I love to read, buy & collect books about every and any topic that interests me, children's books, novels, & ebooks (oh how I love kindle). 
3. Speaking of holics, I'm a bargainholic shopaholic.. I just love op shopping (thrift shopping for those Americans among us), online shopping, trademe & ebay well I guess I just love shopping.
4. We own a cat named Sinker. He was my daughters 4th birthday present from her Aunties & Cousins on their return from an Island holiday, so hence his very interesting name. Funnily enough Aysha is still convinced her cat is from Fiji. 
5. I love Disney! Especially their animated films, Mickey & Minnie & the rest of the gang.. It makes me happy.. I love their happily ever afters.. I dream to one day take Aysha to Disneyland/World.
6. My dream job would be a midwife or doula, I'm passionate about natural birth and I still kinda regret I didn't get a home birth with Aysha but I honestly would love to have that role of assisting women in their mothering journeys. 
7. Speaking of babies, I would still love to have more.. Maybe 3 more :-)  but Allah knows best.
8. I would really love to be more creative/artistic. (I will work on that).
9. I have a scar on my lip from when I fell down a bank as a toddler. I don't even remember the event.
10. My favourite colour is purple, but my wardrobe is mostly black.
11. I love my family..Aysha, my daughter, is my world. I love her more than anything, and she doesn't realise it but she's the glue that has held me together through so many of my trials.
12. I have depression, I manage it but sometimes I have my lows, depression will be one of my lifelong tests. 
13. I am a convert to Islam so I'm a Muslim but I enjoy learning about other peoples religions, and their life views.. I also enjoy studying other cultures and costums, languages, and about the world we live in.
14. I am trying to live a much more natural lifestyle, in medicine, food (I'm vegetarian) and how I impact the environment in my choices and actions.

So I hope I have painted a picture of who I am and our little life, really looking forward to writing more. 

Much love 

Jenn

Xx