Falling in love with me..

Salam lovelies :)

I think I mentioned it in an earlier post how I just really hated myself, i think that came down to being married to a really critical guy and just generally feeling unhappy in myself and my skin. I think it all comes from low self confidence and esteem but i woke up the other morning and thought Jenn you know what you're gorgeous time to stop hating yourself its enough! so this week especially I've been trying to fall in love with me..

I've battled with my weight for the longest time, I had an eating disorder as a teen and food and i have a love/hate relationship.. My older brother who blatently denies it now used to call me "Jenna-tonne" and as an already unsure young teenage girl that did so much more damage to my self-confidence.. I went to an all girl school and I was one of the young ones with boobs & hips in a class of under-developed girls, looking at my health record from back then I was at a balanced and healthy weight range for my height and age, its so funny when I look back at pictures of myself and I wasn't fat but I thought I was massive.. I seemed to get a lot of judgement about my weight and body from those around me but I have judged myself the most harshly..

So.. I've decided to change my thinking first of all - time to love me

After having a baby, eating my feelings stage of life I can say I'm a plus sized gal, i'd say depending on the brand I average 18/20 but with some size 22's (New Zealand/Aus sizing).. Right now I've decided to change my eating habits not to lose weight but to nourish and take care of my body, fill it with healthy, filling, delicious food, I've decided to exercise at least 3 times a week to start with and go from there but this time i'm working on health not hotness and being skinny lol. But saying that I can still be hot the size and way I am.

I've also dyed my hair blonde and I LOVE it, i'm not sure why i didn't do it sooner, at the moment its at a above neckline length but looking very Marilyn Monroe 1950's chic very sexy hehe.. I'm still figuring out my relationship with hijab, not sure if i should continue to cover my hair or not, I can still be modest in my clothing choices and most importantly I am modest in my speech,manners and actions.. still figuring it all out though and giving myself time to do so..
Speaking of clothes I'm also working on some personal style goals, slowly building my capsule wardrobe with some gorgeous lux items.. so watch this space I'm thinking i may have some OOTD (outfit of the day) posts coming up.

Something I'm learning that I want to share is that liking/loving yourself isn't selfish, you have to take care of you before you can look after others.

Much love ya'll

Jenn
x