Depression...

Asalam Alikuym lovelies,

So this week a well known actor known to bring joy to many through his comedy acts and movies committed suicide.. And it wasn't so much WHO he was, even though so many of his movies were brought out during my childhood (so therefore bring happy memories) but more the way he died, alone in a horrific act of desperation..
It brought Depression & suicide into the lime light but it also brought misunderstanding, people commenting without thinking how their words affect others and the same old deal of thinking depression is only a mood not an illness.

I have depression, clinical depression, last time I went to the Dr she mentioned reactive depression.. But I had PND (which I will discuss another day due to me never hearing a Muslim ever mention that so I'll bring it some awareness... oops tangent..) Anyways as I was saying I had PND after my daughter was born, there is a family history, I've been through Earthquakes (different people respond to events in different ways) and sadly there's been some psychological abuse in some of my relationships, but I really don't know what has caused my depression nobody can really know.. Its a chemical imbalance but from what I've been told depression can be caused by stress of an event or a series of events, they could of happened recently or a long time ago & just need a trigger to start the process of emotional unravelling.. Now not every depressed person needs a large event to have triggered their depression I think everyone will agree with me that life is full of big & little events.. But believe me I'm not an expert on depression and nobody really truly knows what causes depression..and each individual is different.

Also most people with depression have other mental illness such as Occupational Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), kleptomania, hypochondria, Social Phobias, Anxiety issues, but that's just opening a whole new can of worms..

Am I waffling??!

Why I am writing about this today well I want to share some of the ways people, mostly Muslims have responded and perhaps guide them in how to deal in a more caring way in helping our depressed brothers & sisters..

OK still with me? So depression is a real illness, some describe it as a chemical imbalance, so sometimes medication is needed to help get the brain & body back to "normal". I myself have personally been on both Citalopham & Prozac (aka Fluox).. I all be honest with you it can be scary to start them and often symptoms & thoughts & moods associated with depression can get worse.. Much worse! Before they get better.. They have some scary side effects - nausea, dizziness, diarrhoea, weight loss or gain.. In the first 2 weeks you're at a higher risk of suicide.. I've also tried natural medications... But basically the point I'm trying to make is medication is usually part of the process in getting better for many depression sufferers.

Telling a sister or brother not to take antidepressants is not only unwise it can also be dangerous, unless you personally have a degree in medicine/pharmaceuticals/naturopathy and can give a guaranteed solution never ever tell someone not to take their medications. Ever!!

Which brings me to the ridiculous things some unknowledgable Muslims may say.. One is just pray more, read more Qu'ran, make more dhikr as a depressed person I can personally tell you I've spent hours praying, hours reading Q'uran hours in worship yes it has helped me but its like that hadith "Trust Allah, but tie your camel tight." We do trust Allah but as cliche as it is you would never tell a cancer patient to not take chemo/radiation but just trust Allah, you would never tell a diabetic to not take their insulin. (Ironically I am diabetic and have been told diabetes & depression are linked for some people.. Oops tangent again). So its unwise to tell a depressed person that by prayer & reading Qu'ran alone will help them.. (#Prayer does help so much and can overcome anything by the Power of Allah.)

Depression has so many emotions, it can come through in many forms, sadness, anger, fear, frustration.. Feeling these emotions & expressing them, verbalising them, crying having a cry does help a depressed person, comparing their feelings & problems to something else doesn't help.. Its better to allow that person to cry,vent,scream, respect & give room for their feelings.

I also suggest not minamilising a persons problems and comparing them to something extremely bigger than them or telling them to have perspective... I was told just this week that I should be grateful I'm not in Gaza.. Saying something like this can be extremely hurtful and make the depressed person feel smaller & worse than they already do.

Umm..I find nobody is more judgemental than myself towards myself (make sense I mean I'm my own worst critic).  I judge myself harshly, I judge myself how I think others judge me(and its probably all in my head) but when someone comments or says something that comes across judgemental it becomes overwhelming.. I know ultimately only Allah's judgement & opinion matter but I'm depressed I can't help it.. :-(

So what can we do for our depressed friends & family.. I'd say give empathy, kindness, listening to their problems even if you think their problems are trivial or little, in that head of theirs those problems are huge & overwhelming.. Check in on them (sending a message/text/calling/emailing/visiting) it helps them feel less isolated.. Give hugs, don't give advice unless asked, and never ever act like you know better than their health or mental health care..

Also if you are feeling depressed never feel ashamed to reach out for help, you are not alone.. You are important & loved. Allah wants you happy & to live your life & meet him in Jannah. (Not the alternative which I will not mention).. I'm in New Zealand so am happy to pass on depression or suicide helplines here but if you are overseas and reading this get in touch with me & I'll point you in the direction for help inshaaAllah.

Much love all

Jenn

XxX